


Game Night, Skeleton Edition

by maximum_overboner



Series: The Exchange [5]
Category: Undertale (Video Game)
Genre: Crude Humor, Fluff, Gen, General, M/M, Oneshot, Sexual Humor, Swearing, Unrepentant Fluff, can be read as a standalone, everyone is happy on the surface
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-06
Updated: 2016-04-06
Packaged: 2018-05-31 17:24:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,316
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6479443
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/maximum_overboner/pseuds/maximum_overboner
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Papyrus organises a game night, because who wouldn't want to spend a cool day with their friends? Things quickly get out of hand.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Game Night, Skeleton Edition

**Author's Note:**

> [There are references to the main fic in this oneshot](http://archiveofourown.org/works/5170061/chapters/14406565), but it's not needed to fully enjoy this one. Hope you like it!

  The table was set; polished, gleaming wood beaming against the overhead light, miscellaneous chairs gathered from all corners of the house to accommodate more guests than the dining room generally permitted, and snacks gathered in bowls, dotted in random spots across the table. It was to prepare for the holiest, the most sacred, the most truly sacrosanct of friendship rituals.

  It was game night. An occasion Papyrus wished he could have organised long ago, but had never actually had any friends to play games with. Growing up, he had imaginary friends, that is to say, real children he would pretend were his friends, but that did not count in retrospect. To say he had thrown himself into the occasion would have been an understatement. He had purchased every fattening snack he could think of, every board game he could grab from thrift stores, and enough soda to quench a small nation. Sans had done his part, and did it well. He was very good at sitting down.

  “i’m lookin’ forward to this. who’s comin’, anyway?”

  “UNDYNE WILL BE ARRIVING ANY MINUTE! EVERYONE ELSE WILL BE DROPPING BY A LITTLE LATER, SHE JUST HAD MORE FREE TIME TODAY.”

  “this her day off?”

  “IT IS.”

  As if on cue, they heard three great whacks on the door, a solid fist that rattled the entire structure. Papyrus blustered, fearing the door would come sailing clean off.

  “WE HAVE A DOORBELL, UNDYNE, PLEASE DON’T DO THAT, YOU’LL BREAK IT!

  He heard her faint, but clear, voice, ring back. “Oh, sorry!”

  Then he heard her cram her palm into the doorbell three times with a resounding crack and trill that grew in intensity.

  “THAT ISN’T WHAT I WAS GETTING AT,” he admitted, already wincing at the thought of a ruined front porch, “BUT I APPRECIATE YOU FOLLOWING INSTRUCTIONS. COME IN!”

  “i think the bell’s broken.”

  “POSSESSIONS ARE TEMPORARY, SANS, FRIENDSHIP IS FOREVER!”

  “you’re gonna be sayin’ that a _lot_ today, aren’t you?”

  “I’M GETTING THE BALL ROLLING.”

  Undyne thundered in, snacks and booze in a thin plastic bag, gripping it with long, sharp fingers. Her combat boots resounded against the wood of the floor as she stomped, until finally, she appeared.

  “What’s up, sluts?!”

  “not much,” Sans responded, not missing a beat. “you?”

  “Eh, same old, same old. Some dude tried to rugby tackle Asgore.”

  Papyrus was still reeling from the ‘sluts’ comment, his delicate sensibilities rattled. “OH MY GOD.”

  “Yeah,” she snorted, laughing wickedly. “I dunno if he was just crazy, or hated Monsters or something, but that didn’t fly! I mean, he did, but whatever. I’m gettin’ paid to be a bodyguard, I’m sure as hell gonna be guarding some bodies, right?”

  Papyrus’ voice was weak, feeble. “IS... IS HE DEAD?”

  She thought for a moment. “Probably not?”

  She looked to his face, his distraught, wrenched face, his mood ruined.

  “Nah, nah, he’s fine, he’s fine! I mean, worst case scenario’s a broken arm!” She beamed, lying through her pointy teeth.

  His entire body slumped in relief, and he sighed audibly. Sans cast her a glance, sipping at his water. She was an awful liar, her gills flared with every false syllable. Luckily, Papyrus wanted to believe it so badly. She coughed. “So, how’s the new digs?”

  Papyrus perked up, his whole body pointing towards her, the novelty still fresh in his mind. He could see his garden from his position on the chair. He looked forward to their blooms, simple colors in his now-simple life, just as he wanted it. “IT’S VERY NICE, A LOT NICER THAN OUR HOME IN SNOWDIN, WHICH WAS ALREADY IN THE TOP ECHELONS OF NICENESS. THE NEIGHBORS HAVE BEEN VERY FRIENDLY, EVEN IF THEY’RE A LITTLE SCARED OF ME.” He laughed good-naturedly, motioning for Undyne to sit next to him. Sans was opposite, reclining in his chair, feet on the table, and Papyrus crushed his overwhelming urge to shriek at him for it. “APPARENTLY MY VISAGE IS A CONSTANT REMINDER OF THE CRUSHING INEVITABILITY OF DEATH, AND ALL IT ENTAILS, OF ROT AND DECAY. EVERY MORNING THEY WAKE UP AND LOOK AT ME LIKE I’M A SHAMBLING CORPSE THEY NEED TO PUT UP WITH, AS IF RATS WILL PLUMMET FROM MY RIBCAGE AND EAT THEIR EYES OUT OF THEIR SOCKETS AS THEY SCREAM.”

  Sans and Undyne stared back, aghast. The oven dinged.

  Papyrus trilled delightedly, scampering out of his chair. “MY MUFFINS!”

  Undyne mouthed a long ‘what the fuck’ to Sans, who shrugged glumly in return, well aware that comment spoke of deeper, darker things he couldn’t tell Undyne about. Not unless Papyrus chose to, which he had vehemently decided against. He decided to tell a half-truth, as explaining the resets and what they had seen did not lend itself to a casual atmosphere.

  “he’s uh... takin’ the whole ‘humans are spooked by us’ thing personally. i wouldn’t pay him any mind.”

  She breathed in an ‘ohh’ in acknowledgement, chalking up the comment to that. She distracted herself with the smell of muffins, taking off her leather jacket. She was wearing a tank-top, and Sans had guessed it was in case there was an emergency that could only be resolved through vigorous flexing. That, or she was proud of the way she had sculpted her body. Probably the latter, he thought.

  “alphys not with you?”

  “Nah,” she groaned. “She’s busy, she’s lecturing at a university today. Turns out bein’ educated in anything magic-related is kind of a huge deal? Tons of work, tons of pay! She should swing by in the evening, if she’s feeling up to it.” She checked her nails, reminding herself to sharpen them. “You could totally get in on that. Never told me when you were a doctor when you applied for that sentry job.”

  “didn’t think i needed to.”

  She shrugged. “I’m just sayin’, if you really pulled out some passion, you could do some really cool stuff! Gotta dig deep!”

  “i’m fine with teaching.”

  “Little kids?”

  “yeah. i’m good with ‘em. adorable little bastards.”

  She snorted derisively, and Sans was dully aware of the fact he would have probably been offended if he were more sensitive. “Well, as long as you give it your all, I guess!”

  Sans went to respond with something deadpan, but was cut off as Papyrus trotted back into the dining area, holding a plate of obsessively-prepared muffins. He plonked them on the table, gently swept the crumbs as best he could, then almost skipped back into the kitchen, his burgeoning excitement shining through.

  Undyne dipped closer, picking up on his enthusiasm, her whispering honing her voice into a sharp rasp. “He... Never really had any friends growing up, did he?”

  “nah,” Sans admitted, speaking softly in turn. “i’d try helping him, send him out to play with the other kids, but they’d always wail on him till he shot up, y’know? even then it didn’t help, ‘cause even when they left him alone, he’d still be upset. ‘at least they were paying attention to me’. he’s really stoked about this. you were sort of, uh... his first real friend. ever.”

  She breathed in. “Wait, really? He was like... Twenty.”

  “yep.”

  “When he would talk about his ‘tons of cool friends’--”

  “you believed that?”

  She leaned back, as if processing the statement. It seemed so obvious. “... Look, look, we’re really, really different people, right?”

  Sans took his feet off of the table, leaning forward in turn to hear her out. “yeah?”

  “But I was thinking, no matter how different we are, no matter how much we raise each others hackles, no matter how much we don’t get along... I know this was gonna be a ‘hangout’, but d’you wanna just make Papyrus happy? Rib him a little, that kinda stuff, he grumbles but he loves it really. Indulge him!”

  Sans grinned, earnestly, the tired lines under his eyes long-gone. “see, you’re sayin’ stuff like ‘we don’t get along’, but i think we’re gonna get along great.”

  She smiled in turn, with teeth so sharp you could skewer flesh. Sans showed his, just enough to make out their shape, and her features hardened in solidarity.

  They heard Papyrus patter back through, whistling, and resumed their positions, their pact a secret. He was carrying the fruitiest drink Sans had ever seen. There were, at first glance, at least three umbrellas, a foot-long winding straw, and the outer rim was caked in sugar. Sans could barely make out the drink.

  “papyrus... what the hell is that?”

  Papyrus took a small sip through his straw, smacking his false tongue against his palate. “A MOJITO. A ‘VIRGIN’ ONE, I THINK IT’S CALLED? IT’S LIKE POURING MINT STRAIGHT INTO MY EYES, IT’S VERY REFRESHING.”

  Undyne cackled affectionately. “Aren’t all drinks ‘virgin’ if you’re the one chugging ‘em?”

  “ _UNDYNE!_ ”

  “good one.”

  “ _SANS!_ THAT’S IT, THE MUFFINS ARE FOR EVERYONE BUT YOU TWO!” He huffed, chin high, and sat himself down, drinking away, cheeks flush. Undyne laughed harder, and Sans at least had the decency to hide his snickering. His fraternal instincts took over before he had time to think, as he began tearing chunks out of a fresh muffin and slipping them into his mouth. Undyne took an over-large bite out of hers and chewed, watching them.

  “nothin’ wrong with wanting to wait, dude--”

  “THIS IS NOT UP FOR DISCUSSION.”

  “i’m just tryin’ to reassure--”

  “THIS! DISCUSSION! NOT! UP! FOR IT!”

  “i’m only sayin’--”

  “I’M RUNNING OUT OF WAYS TO PHRASE THIS, SO I’LL SETTLE ON THE CONCISE OPTION! _STOP THAT!_ ”

  Undyne was in hysterics. Sans held his hands up, his attempts at reassurance having dragged Papyrus further into embarrassment. His business was his business, and he didn’t want to snoop. Undyne certainly did. She at least had the decency to be somewhat subtle, at first.

  “Is the spooky robot dropping by? There’s a whole table here for him to strip off and lounge on like a fashion model, so he must be, right?”

  Papyrus smiled coquettishly, and only caught himself when Sans’ laughter was caught in the sealed chamber of his jaw. He coughed. “METTATON WILL BE HERE LATER. HE SAID HE WOULD BE HERE AT TEN, BUT HE BROKE ONE OF HIS HEELS SO THAT KNOCKED HIS PLANS BACK BY THREE HOURS.”

  Undyne leered. “Did you actually get his number?”

  Papyrus lolled his head dramatically, playing up the suspense, clearly having fun even if he did bluster and protest. “... MAYBE.”

  “Did you actually call him at some point?”

  “ _MAYBE_.”

  Undyne perked up, desperate to gorge on gossip, to give Papyrus a hefty whack on the shoulder for finally ‘gettin’ some’. “Did you two have a date?”

  Papyrus had been reduced to bashfully nodding. Undyne resisted the urge to pull him into a crushing hug. She understood, now, what Sans meant when he spoke about ‘adorable bastards’. She looked to Sans, scandalized, and he looked amused in return, though he was well aware of the answers, Papyrus having giddily recounted his date with the star in grim detail. He was chuckling, great, low noises that slid from his belly to his throat.

  “Did... Did you two _kiss_?”

  Papyrus sipped his drink coyly.

  Undyne gripped his shoulders gleefully, now totally carried away, her voice shrill with disbelief. “Oh my God, did you two _fuck_ \--?!”

  Papyrus yelped, a long, breathy noise that slipped and slurred its way into a word as he avoided the subject. “ _ANYWAY!_ ” He over-enthused, trying to smother her voice, an operation that was doomed from the start. “IT WASN’T EVEN A PROPER KISS! JUST, WELL, YOU KNOW. A SMOOCH. A GOODBYE SMOOCH. A SMOOCH TO SAY GOODBYE. I DON'T COUNT IT.”

  “... On the mouth?”

  “YES UNDYNE, ON THE MOUTH. WHERE ELSE COULD A SMOOCH HAPPEN?”

  Sans was laughing into the arm of his hoodie, in tears, and Undyne looked at him, eyebrow quirked.

  Papyrus finally realized what they she was talking about, and crammed his scarf to his face in embarrassment. “... JUST... JUST GO GET A GAME OUT OF THE CUPBOARD, UNDYNE. MY DIGNITY CAN’T TAKE ANY MORE OF THIS.”

  Undyne finally drew a line under her comments, giving him a thud on the back as she walked by in a gesture that reassured him. She didn’t mean anything by it, she was just a little hard-headed sometimes. She made her way to the closet in the hallway, where the games were crammed under piles of jackets.

  “god, ‘where else could a smooch happen’, ‘ _where else could a smooch happen_ ’! holy shit, you’re killin’ me!”

  “LAUGH IT UP, SANS. LAUGH IT UP. GET IT OUT OF YOUR SYSTEM.”

  “thanks, pap,” he teased back between great heaving breaths, “i think i will. thought i was gonna need to whip out the flip-board for a second--”

  “PICK ANY GAME, UNDYNE, _ANY GAME AT ALL!_ ”

  She returned with all of them, dumping the weathered boxes onto the middle of the table and spreading them out so that they could be seen. She sat herself down, chowing down on the rest of the muffin. Papyrus reviewed the boxes with an uncommon severity usually reserved for especially gruesome crime scenes.

  “WHAT,” he began, thumbing at his chin in thought, “SHALL WE PLAY?”  
  
  “i dunno, what d’you wanna play?”

  Undyne’s face lit up.

  “WE AREN’T PLAYING STRIP POKER.”

  Her face fell, and she crossed her arms, flexing a little as she always did. “You never let me play strip anythin’!”

  “WE’RE KEEPING THIS FAMILY FRIENDLY, FRISK WILL BE ARRIVING IN HALF AN HOUR.”

  Sans took off his hoodie, the heat of the house finally getting to him, and Undyne was surprised at his thinness, his frailty. She had expected him to be... Chunkier, she guessed. “that’s your only objection?”

  “THERE ARE MANY MORE, BUT IN THE TIME IT WOULD TAKE FOR ME TO SPEW THEM LIKE A CONNIPTION-FOUNTAIN FRISK WILL HAVE ARRIVED AND I DON’T WANT TO TURN THE AIR BLUE IN THEIR PRESENCE. SANS.”

  “the kid can handle a little swearin’, they’re thirteen in a week. you remember me when i was twelve.”

  Papyrus rolled his sockets dramatically, making a little dismissive hand gesture. He saw Undyne settle in to snoop good-heartedly.“I DO. I STILL DON’T KNOW WHAT HALF OF THE WORDS YOU USED MEAN, AND I DON’T CARE TO LOOK THEM UP.”

  “i can tell ya.”

  “PLEASE DON’T. PLEASE, DON’T DO THAT.”

  Undyne flapped her fins in enthusiasm. “Are we teachin’ them swears now?! Finally, something I can help with!”

  “we are.”

  “NO WE ARE NOT!”

  “see, you’re sayin’ no. but i’m hearin’ ‘damn sans, that’s a great idea’.”

  “NO YOU AREN’T!”

  Sans cast Undyne a glance, and they could both feel the embers of a new friendship crackling underneath the conversation. He was lazy, kind of smug and generally a jackass, but Sans wasn’t bad company, when you didn’t need him as a sentry. He clearly loved Papyrus to bits. Yeah. Yeah, not bad at all!

  “i am. i’m hearin’ the shit out of that.”

  “Dude? Same.”

  “I REGRET LETTING YOU TWO BECOME FRIENDS! THEY ALREADY KNOW HOW TO SWEAR, AND I HOPE YOU WOULDN’T ENCOURAGE THEM!”

  “they haven’t unlocked the top tiers. i’m an educator, papyrus. besides, i already told ‘em the aristocrats, anyway--”

  Papyrus spat out his mojito, covering the table in a thin, minty slime, the liquid getting stuck in the cracks in his face as he yelled in indignation, flailing. “YOU DID WHAT? SANS, SANS, WHAT VERSION?”

  “the one i told you when you turned sixteen.”

  “THE ONE THAT MADE ME FROTH AT THE MOUTH AND PASS OUT FOR TWO HOURS?”

  Sans held his hands up in admittance, shifting in his chair, trying to get comfortable against the flat surface, which was difficult when you didn’t have an ass for cushioning. “nah, i ain’t cruel. the other one.”

  “THE ONE WITH WITH THE... VARIOUS FLUIDS... IN THE, _YOU KNOW_. THE PLACES? WITH THE BELOVED FAMILY PETS?”

  “there we go.”

  Undyne was clearly wrapping her brain, head in her hand, trying to recall what that actually meant. “’The Aristocrats’? You mean royalty and stuff?”

  Sans whipped his neck with such violent force that he would have split flesh, were he not a skeleton, his grin wicked and his sockets completely devoid of light. “so this family walks into a talent agency, and the agent--”

  Papyrus threw his torso into the space between them.“I WILL NOT HAVE YOU INFLICT THAT ON ANOTHER PERSON!”

  The doorbell rang, and they all looked to each other, confused, Papyrus still splayed on the table. He hadn’t been expecting anyone at that specific point in time, but he certainly wouldn’t complain.

  “... COME IN? THE DOOR’S OPEN.”

  They heard the door click open, and uneven shuffling. Ah. It was Frisk.  
  
  Undyne yelled from her position on the chair, ready to begin, cramming a handful of chips into her maw. “We’re in here, squirt! It’s just me, Skeletor and Mr. Bone-Shambles!”

  “NYEH?!”

  “is that ‘cause i never used to do any work? and i’m a lazy asshole?”

  “Yeah!”

  He conceded the point, chuckling at the name. “that’s fair.”

  Frisk’s padding was followed up with the gentle click of heels against the hard floor, and Papyrus righted himself, because if Mettaton walked in and he was splayed across the table like a wanton incubus then neither Sans, Undyne nor Frisk would let him live it down. They both appeared in the door-frame, Frisk surveying them all before they weakly waved. Mettaton blared out a greeting before Frisk could speak.

  “Darlings!” He turned to Papyrus. “Darling.”

  “HELLO. YES THAT’S ME. BOY, I, HMM--” He coughed, a bubble of saliva catching in the back of his mouth in an undignified wheeze. “H-HELLO, HELLO METTATON! HI, BESTIE!”

  Sans dipped on his chair to look behind them. “toriel not with you, kid?”

  They shook their head. “She couldn’t, ma and Asgore are wrapping up some royal business. Mettaton dropped me off.”

  “oh, they're busy with state stuff?”

  They nodded.

  “ah, damn. well, can’t be helped, right? sit your shit down, we’re playin’ monopoly, i think. you too, mettaton.”

  He clapped his hands in delight. “Is that the game about fabulous wealth?”

  “it is.”

  “Why, count me in!”

  Frisk went to sit by Sans, who handed them a muffin in passing, and Mettaton careened his huge shoulders towards one of the empty chairs near Papyrus.  
  
  “dude, you should probably sit at the end, your shoulder-pads will kill someone.”

  “Sans, sweetie,” he cooed, “they aren’t that sharp.”

  Before Sans had a chance to wince at the overly personal term, Papyrus piped up. “THEY REALLY AREN’T!”

  Sans cocked his eyebrow, dully amused. Frisk snickered, but let it hang and die as Papyrus loured at them. “you must have gotten pretty close to figure that one out--”

  “ _WHO WANTS TO BE WHAT PIECE?_ ”

  Undyne, finally unable to control her raucous passion for both friendship, and the things that revolved around it, leapt to her feet. “Yeah, yeah! Let’s play some games, _PUNKS!_ ”

 

* * *

 

 

  “I WILL PISS FURY ON ALL OF YOU! YOUR TINY SHOE AND TINY CAR WILL BE SOLD TO PAY YOUR _CRIPPLING DEBTS TO ME!_ ”

  “for the love of god, we’ve talked about this. this is why we don’t play monopoly, papyrus. you take it too seriously.”

  “HUSH, PEASANT! PAY UP!”

  The game had moved quickly. Mettaton had splurged on the most expensive options, leaving him bankrupt early on, Frisk following suit after having a series of bad rolls, forcing them both to cough up their money to the deceptively nice skeleton-mogul. They were both sitting back, enjoying the show, picking at the muffins and laughing at Sans, how he was genuinely riling himself up.

  “i picked the car!” he grumbled, Papyrus leaning forward smugly. “even when i land on your hotels, why can’t i just sleep in the fuckin’ car, i’m already in it! i am already takin’ up space in this friggin’ car, why can’t i slam-dunk my head on the upholstery and slum it up for the night? it’s not even slummin’, actually! look at it, it’s expensive, it probably cost more than the little plastic house i bought, why can’t i charge you rent when i land, huh?”

  “DON’T GET BUTTMAD BECAUSE YOU’RE BEING GROUND DOWN UNDER THE CRUSHING WEIGHT OF MY ONCE-SMALL BUSINESSES. PAY THE MONEY, SANS. PAY THE MONEY.”

  “or what, you’ll break my car’s knees?”

  “PROBABLY. TIME IS MONEY. MONEY IS ALSO MONEY. PAY ME THE MONEY.”

  Sans handed it over. He had lost. He was out. Truly, this was the worst situation he had ever been in. He looked to Frisk, and Mettaton, who stared back dully.

  “this the loser’s corner now?”

  “It is, Sans-y.”

  “mind tossin’ me a muffin, this game has been goin’ on for two hours and i need to comfort-eat.”

  “Join the club,” Frisk said, looking to Papyrus’ wads of multicolored bills.

  Undyne let out a righteous roar, one that make Papyrus cower before he remembered that Undyne did that sometimes, roar in entirely inappropriate situations. “You think I’m just gonna let you walk all over innocent people, punk?! You think I’m just gonna let you throw out people with homes, and families, just ‘cause you want some quick cash?! Well, _no more!_ ”

  “UNDYNE, THAT’S THE RULES OF THE GAME.”

  She puffed out her chest, calling on the authoritarian boom she would use when she was acting Guard-Captain, with a voice that would knock down walls. “Entire generations are gonna grow up knowing you were the one that put their families on the streets--”

  “CARS CANNOT HAVE CHILDREN, UNDYNE.”

  “Well, I’m gonna roll and take all that money back, ya hear me? _I’m gonna do it!_ ”

  Papyrus snorted with laughter before catching himself, having a whale of a time. With a screech usually reserved for battle, one Frisk was uncomfortably accustomed to, she pelted the dice against the table.

  They all looked, as if peering into a great, clear pool, with great seriousness. Papyrus’ face broke into a grin that showed the sharpness of his teeth, slick, pointed ivory that sat like spear-heads.

  “ _PAY UP, UNDYNE._ ”

  She flipped the table.

 

* * *

 

  Table righted and Undyne calmed, Sans decided to take charge, chewing on his pencil as he spoke.

  “so since some of us can’t be trusted to not destroy the friggin’ house, we’re playin’ dungeons and dragons. strap in, we’re gonna go rocketing through an infinite fantasy land where we aren’t pitted against each other, i’m steering this shit-ship straight into your imagination.”

  Undyne scoffed. “What are we, _nerds?!_ ”

  “yes.”

  “YES.”

  “Pretty much.”

  “You watch cartoons darling, are you really the person to question all of this?”

  She went to say something in return, but shrugged. It was night, now, and they had all quietly accepted that they would be sleeping over. Everyone bar Papyrus, who had broken down, weeping fat, happy tears, wailing about how much he loved his ‘SUPER COOL BEST FRIENDS.’ Sans had taken up the mantle so he could pull himself together, and yet he still sniffled faintly.

  Sans squared his shoulders. He had put his jacket back on, had popped the hood up in an attempt to add a layer of mysticism he did not need as he was already a skeleton, which in itself loaned credence to their game. “so, like, goblins are shittin’ all over everything in this kingdom, right?”

  “EW.”

  “not literally.”

  “OH.”

  “they’re ruinin’ crops, killing random villagers that are busy doin’... villager things? like, y’know, herdin’ sheep, milkin’ cows, dyin’ of cholera, all that stuff. and the king is all, ‘ah damn. i can’t have that shit. i hate it when all of my subjects die. hate it. not fun’. so he goes... ‘hey... messenger guy!’”

  Papyrus remembered that Sans didn’t actually know anything about medieval practices, be they fantasy or otherwise. “ENVOY?”

  “yeah, yeah, there we go. ‘hey envoy! i hate this, everyone’s dyin’ of somethin’ that ain’t a disease and i’m not used to it! go get me, like, a ragtag bunch of assholes that can slap these goblin dudes back to whatever cave they crawled out of--’”

  “I FEEL LIKE THE WAY YOU SPEAK ISN’T A VERY GOOD REPRESENTATION OF A MEDIEVAL KINGSHIP.”

  “it’s fantasy medieval, paps. i’m wingin’ it, this was always more your scene. you want sci-fi? i can do sci-fi. this is all new.”

  “IT WAS A CRITIQUE. DON’T LET ME STOP YOU.”

  Sans swiped a two liter bottle of soda from the table and took a long swig out of it, now too into the story to bother using cups. “anyway, he says ’go get me a...” He looked to Papyrus’ sheet, then Undyne’s. “... paladin, a barbarian, and a’...” He looked to Mettaton’s. “’bard’. yeah, yeah, ok, that’s pretty fitting. frisk, what’re you?”

  Frisk scooted their sheet over, stomach full of chips and fattening snack foods.

  “whoa, that’s a lot of charisma. you can’t take a punch for shit, though. gonna charm your way through, huh?”

  “I am.”

  “pfft,” he laughed, aware of their talents, “like that’ll work. good luck with the pacifism, kid.”

  Mettaton raised his hand as if he were signalling a passing helicopter.

  “Can I get heels? I want heels.”

  “mettaton, if you were a medieval peasant you would probably be crippled with... ghost-scoliosis, or somethin’, i don’t know if heels exist.”

  “Even if I... Do this?” Mettaton thrust his leg on the table, knocking over a bowl of chips. He let it sit there, as if he had made a compelling argument.

  Sans went to rebuke him, but was cut off. Papyrus was contemplating the leg. He turned slowly. “HE MAKES A VERY GOOD POINT.”

  “fine, fine, you can wear heels, oh my god. so you hear this dude screamin’ it up in the middle of the village, yellin’ about the king’s orders--”

  Undyne stood up, roaring, having misunderstood the point Sans was getting to. “Arrest him for breaching the peace!”

  “you aren’t playing a guard-captain, undyne, you’re playing a barbarian. drink, pillage, stab, kinda the opposite?”

  She sat back down. “Oh. Stab him for breaching the peace?”

  Sans gripped his nose bone, rolling blindly, before wearily glancing to the dice. He sighed. “the messenger is dead, you snuck up behind him and run him through like a kebab. congratulations, brave hero. the village is quiet for another day, before the goblins overrun it and everyone literally dies.”

  “Yeah!” She hollered. “Go team!”

 

* * *

 

 

  “--you can’t seduce the goblin king, mettaton. it ain’t your turn. there’s only frisk and papyrus left to act and i’m sure as hell not lettin’ frisk do it.”

  “And why not? Just because both of my bard-ly legs are smashed to pieces, doesn’t mean I can’t strut it with the best of them!”

  “I... SORT OF THINK IT DOES?” Papyrus felt an idea form, a funny story he could tell in the future, an anecdote in the making.

  “CAN _I_ SEDUCE THE GOBLIN KING?” He chuckled, assuming that his plan would fall flat on his face and they would all get a laugh out of it.

  “you... you can? kind of against type, but sure, why not. roll.”

  He did so, letting the dice rattle around in his bony fingers before he cast it off.

  “... yeah, it worked.”

  Papyrus balked, and Undyne snorted with laughter, having reached the point in the night where it was difficult to stop the giggles.

  “WHAT DO YOU MEAN, _IT WORKED?_ ”

  “it worked. touch down. good job. congratulations, papyrus. your holy, unsullied, virgin paladin has just scored with the hideous, twenty foot tall goblin king. this is a proud day for everyone. lose two hp.”

  Papyrus waved his arm in bafflement, completely incredulous. “WAIT, WHY AM I LOSING HEALTH?”

  “there’s no way that’s playin’ out without you grindin’ your pelvis into dust. these are the choices you made.”

  Frisk excused themselves, walking calmly out into the hallway before gently shutting the door and breaking out into hysterics. They could hear them wheeze from behind the door.

  Mettaton laid a supportive hand on his shoulder, suppressing a titter. In a flush of boldness, Papyrus gripped his hand in turn and held it there, and before they had both known it they were both having a moment, fingers intertwined. Papyrus almost didn’t care about his character’s misjudgment. Undyne squeaked out an ‘aww’ before she caught herself.

  “the entire kingdom hears of your deeds, and you are gifted a title. arise, sir papyrus the goblin-fucker!”

  “I HAVE MADE A _HUGE MISTAKE._ ”

 

* * *

 

  
  It was two-AM when the game finally came to a screeching halt, after Sans had given up the ghost and passed out onto their character sheets, snoring faintly. It seemed like a good stopping point. Papyrus had hoisted him onto his shoulder and carried him up the stairs, before placing him down gently onto his bed. He looked peaceful. Unburdened. It was nice. Papyrus took a deep breath, in, then out, with only the sounds of crickets outside to accompany them in the pitch black, dotted with moonlight.

  “I, UM... I HEARD WHAT YOU AND UNDYNE SAID EARLIER, ABOUT ME HAVING... WELL, NO FRIENDS, I SUPPOSE. A-AND I REALLY APPRECIATE TODAY. I KNOW I PLAY UP MY REACTIONS TO YOUR RIBBING, BUT... I HAD A LOT OF FUN! A _SKELE-TON_ OF FUN!” He giggled to himself, but stopped when Sans moved in his sleep. “AND I APPRECIATE YOU GOING ALL-OUT FOR ME. I’M SORRY FOR GOING A LITTLE POWER-MAD DURING MONOPOLY, THAT WAS WEIRD. THAT GAME DOES THINGS TO PEOPLE. I’M GLAD YOU AND UNDYNE GET ALONG!”

  He looked out of the window. “I HAD A GAME NIGHT. WITH _FRIENDS_.” He dabbed at the tears in his eyes, globs that weren’t quite substantial enough to tumble out.

  “A-ANYWAY, I’M GOING TO GO NOW, BECAUSE CRYING IN YOUR SLEEPING BROTHER’S ROOM IS SORT OF WEIRD. AND CREEPY. GOODNIGHT, SANS.”

  The door clicked shut.

  “g’night, paps.”

 

* * *

 

  
  Papyrus trotted back downstairs, eyes heavy. He had his own room, but thought it best to spend his time with the Mettaton and Undyne, the people that were still awake. Frisk was dead to the world, and he repeated the process he had carried out with Sans; he picked them up, took them upstairs, peeled back the covers and let them sleep in his bed. He could take the couch for the night. His bestie deserved nice things.

  He sat himself down on the couch, next to a bleary Mettaton, who rested his head on his shoulder, mumbling. “Goodnight, sweetheart.”

  He froze, Undyne watching him intently. He mouthed ‘I’M GONNA DO IT!”

  Undyne leaned forward from her position on the floor, intrigued. Alphys had opted to drop by in the morning, as her work had run late. “You’re gonna do it?!”

  “I’M GONNA DO IT, I, I’M GONNA SMOOCH HIM FOR REAL!”

  “You’re gonna do it?!”

  Papyrus had whipped himself up into such a frenzy of nervous energy that he was vibrating. “ _I’M GONNA DO IT_ , I’M--”

  “Oh for God’s sake, darling!”

  Mettaton cut him off, planting a low, long, slow kiss, before his fatigue dictated he peel himself off.

  “You are welcome. Goodnight, for real this time. Goodnight, Undyne.”

  “Night, ‘Ton.”

  Mettaton turned his back to them both, to sleep prone on the couch, legs hooked over Papyrus’.

  Undyne scampered up to him. “Yo, was that your first kiss? First real one?!”

  Papyrus nodded, face entirely red, smiling like a buffoon.

  “Haha, holy shit, congrats! ‘S fun, right?” She leered.

  Again, he nodded, covering his face with his palm.

  “I’M GOING TO NEED A MOMENT.”

  “I’m so stoked for you!”

  “I... DON’T THINK I’LL BE ABLE TO SLEEP, NOW.”

  She laughed, stifling the sharp noise with a pillow, which she crammed to her mouth. “Papyrus, you saucy bastard! I don’t mind stayin’ up with you, somebody has to keep you company.”

  She thought for a moment.  
  
  “You wanna eat ice-cream and bullshit for the rest of the night?”

  “... OH MY GOD? OH MY GOD? YES? SO MUCH?”

**Author's Note:**

> Dannibear requested a fluff fic where everyone sits down and plays games, so here you go! I hope you enjoy it, it was a lot of fun to write! I am sorry it got a little shippy, I hope you don't mind!
> 
> (Apologies if the tabletop references are wrong, I haven't played in years.)


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